A Simple Boundary to Set Yourself Up for Success on New Teams
Onboarding onto new teams is tough in the current geopolitical climate, but having the right scripts in your pocket can help.
In the past 5 years, since leaving my comfortable job at HP Inc as a Research Scientist, I have been onboarded onto an enviable diversity of teams. I joined academic teams, early-stage stealth start-ups, social media and marketing teams, journalism outfits, and even multiple teams of artists for plays, short movies, and comedy. There was one problem I encountered on all these teams, regardless of their age or size, and that was the effective management of first conflicts, whether with a peer or a hiring manager.
First conflicts are a natural part of the onboarding process. They highlight the biases of individuals, their level of personal awareness, and may even reveal parts of a person's personality, likely best left outside the office. Even with the best conflict resolution skills, these moments often register as peak emotional experiences for the people involved and have a high likelihood of creating festering resentments that can impact the team's long-term potential. “Could I bypass this problem, early and altogether?”, I wonder.
Enter this One Script To Rule Them All, A Simple Boundary.
Recently, when onboarding onto a new team, I found myself sharing this along with my name and pronouns.
“Folks, there is a good reason for everything I do, even when I am messing up. If my behaviour is confusing, I ask that you approach me with genuine curiosity. I am happy to discuss what happened and grow together. However, if you lean toward assuming ill intent and acting from a place of ill intent, there is nothing I can do about that.”
The firm boundary landed very well with the team, transforming a personal boundary into a team pact. Our productivity got fast-tracked. In our first collective debriefing session, members of the team were honest in sharing feedback, gentle with curiosity where there was confusion, and open to communication. A tacit behavioral agreement was in place.
These are a great set of words to hold onto when you encounter that first conflict. Reviewing this script ensures that our hearts are coherently aligned with our minds when engaging in tense moments.
Fun Fact?
Heart-mind coherence is a physiological state in which the heart, brain, and nervous system work in harmony and offer numerous benefits, including reduced stress and anxiety, improved emotional regulation, enhanced cognitive function, and increased resilience. When we engage with others with heart-mind coherence, our energies become unblocked, and we can keep work moving forward.
To learn more, visit: https://www.heartmath.org/heart-coherence/
